


Why'd you leave me?

by haydenxliam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: #angst, #castiel, #charlie bradburry, #dean winchester, #happy ending, #imagine, #lots of angst, #love, #mark of cain, #one shot, #pregnancy gone wrong, #sam winchester, #season 10, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 12:38:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,315
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5456780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haydenxliam/pseuds/haydenxliam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You left the Winchesters and haven't seen them again. When Dean's in a hurry with the Mark Of Cain, Charlie calls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Why'd you leave me?

**Author's Note:**

> This imagine is placed in 10x18 Book of The Damned. It sometimes follows the script in dialogues. Only some swearing. Hope you like it!!!

COUPLE YEARS BACK. 

I wait for the guys to leave and I turn to see Charlie Bradbury again.  
"Look, just for precaution" I say and hand her a piece of paper. "If anything happens, call me."  
"Sure" she says. "Although I hope to not use it anytime soon."  
"And I hope you don't have to."

PRESENT DAY. 

"Charlie?" I ask over the phone. "What's going on?"  
"Hey, I know you're not with the guys anymore" she says. "But they could really use a hand."  
"Why? What is it?"  
"I don't know if you know, but Dean has the Mark of Cain."  
"He what?!" I exclaim.  
"I know. They don't know I'm calling, but bring anything you have on decoding freaky ancient witchy codes."  
"Okay. Where are you?"  
"In a cabin on the south of Des Moines."  
"I'm close there. I'll see you in a bit." 

I leave the motel room and jump in my car. The fact that I have to see Sam and Dean again crushes my heart and makes me want to barf. I used to work with them, but after leaving with no notice but a note two months later to the night Dean and I were together and a month far to our relationship... Nothing good would come from this. 

I would talk to Sam sometimes, but he still doesn't know why I left and after a while he stopped pushing. I look at the bracelet in my wrist. It's golden and with a tiny star. I have to do this.

When I get to the cabin, the 67 Impala isn't there yet and I thank to my insides. I take out my gun just in case and a bag full of books and I knock on the door with it.

"Charlie" I call.  
She opens the door. "Whoa, whoa! It's me!"  
I enter the cabin, leaving my bag on the floor and my gun on the table. "It's so good to see you, Charlie."

I hug her, noticing the new hair cut. Last time I saw her was when she went to Oz to find the Wicked Wizard, I don't know. 

"You can pull off the short hair for sure," I tell her when we stop hugging. "When did you come back?"  
"A while ago" she answers. "Long story, I'll fill you in later." 

We sit in front of each other and Charlie takes out a book, putting it on the table. I look at her and her shirt has a blood stain.

"You're bleeding?" I ask her.  
"Yeah, yeah. It's fine."  
"No, it isn't" I say. "What happened?"  
"These guys were after me-"  
"What guys?"  
"Some southern-fried D-bags. They've bee after me since I dug up the Book of the Damned" I look at the book on the table. "The Book of the Damned is a spell book for creating or undoing any kind of damnation there is. We translate this thing, we can get the Mark of Cain off Dean."  
"How did you find it?"  
"After some near misses and some broken-into museums, I found historical documents that led to a monastery in Spain. It burned down years ago, left for dead, but, uh, I had this hunch about it. Turned out I was right."  
"And what about those guys? You know who they are?"  
"No, but I spotted a tattoo. The guys are bringing everything they have on douchy families."  
"Well, let me go to the bathroom and we'll get to work" I say getting up.  
"Can I ask you a question?" she asks.  
"You just did" I answer. "Shoot."  
"Why did you leave?" I sigh to the question. "Sam and Dean are the best people I know, and as far as I knew you love Dean, or did."  
"I still do" I admit. "I can't talk about it, Charlie. It's too painful."  
"O- Okay" she mumbles. "I'll start reading."

I go to the bathroom and see myself in the mirror. I lift my shirt up and see the scar in my belly, reminding me a big loss. That day was horrible. 

"Ms. (Y/L/N), I'm so sorry" the doctor said. "You had a miscarriage." 

I remember crying for days, locked up in a motel room without even eating. Broken. Dean doesn't know it was his kid and I hope the occasion of dropping the bomb never comes. 

"I'll go get the rest of our crap" I hear Dean say outside. 

When I hear the door close I get out of the bathroom. A still giant, large, perfect haired and puppy eyes Sam Winchester is standing in front of me. 

"Sam" I call.  
"(Y/N)" he says.  
"Miss me?" I ask him.  
"A lot."

I go over there and hug him, my arms in his back because I can't even reach his shoulder. He's tall, really tall. 

"How've you been?"  
"How have you been?" he asks back. "You're not going anywhere without catching up with me, you got it?"  
"I got it, but we need to do this" I say. "For Dean" Sam looks down. "How is he?"  
"He's not getting better. He's trying to cover but... we need to find that cure. Fast."  
"Let's get to work."  
I go to the fridge and grab four beers. "I didn't go grocery shopping" Charlie says.  
"I know" I say. "I was here last week, so..." 

I hear the door open and my heart stops. Then a bag drops and I'm waiting for Dean's manly beautiful voice to speak. 

"Well, this is everything Men of Letters had on occult families, so there should be something in here." 

I turn around to see him and he's looking at Charlie for a moment, but I meet his gaze a second later. Those green eyes that once had hope are broken and my stomach drops. His lips, his face, his body, his voice. He keeps wearing flannels but that doesn't surprise me. I never thought he would be the one to hold my heart. 

In that moment, I realized I stopped breathing. I take a deep breath but the room is still silent. 

"(Y/N)" he pronounces.  
My name sounds so breathtaking in his mouth and my head is replaying the call. "That's what they call me" I mumble. "Hello Dean. It's been a while."  
"Yeah. It has." 

I grab the four beers with my shaky hands and put them in the table. I'm going to need a lot of beer. I grab a book without saying another word and sit on the couch. 

"Let's pretend the awkwardness it's not here and get to work" Charlie says. 

We have been reading, and reading and reading. I can't find anything on codes or codes to codes. Anything. We've been hours at this by now. 

"Sam, got anything?" Dean asks Sam.  
"Maybe" he answers. "Uh, yeah, it's all in an obscure Sumerian dialect."  
"Actually found a rough match for it in this book" Charlie says.  
"Great."  
"I thought so, too" she answers. "But I've been translating and none of the translated words make any sense. It's all just gibberish."  
"I mean, maybe it's in a different dialect?" Sam asks her.  
"No, no, no. You're right, but I- I- I- think... I think this is in code."  
"An entire book of unreadable text that's also a code" I say. "Great."  
"And you call yourselves nerds" Dean speaks. "Come on. You got this."  
Sam scoffs. "He's right" he says. "You know what, Charlie? Why, uh... Um, why don't we stick with my notes for a little bit? This book is literally making my eyes hurt."  
Dean looks at me. "Found anything yet?" he asks me.  
I leave the book on the table. "Nope, nothing on old crappy codes" I look at him. "What about you?"  
"Nothing yet." 

Time passes and we're getting desperate. There's nothing about the Mark or any other crap that comes close. I'm reading a book the guys brought from the bunker and find the tattoo, along the family. 

"Dean" I say. 

He looks at me and sits next to me. I show him the book and try to stay calm to his breathing.

"Okay, even the Bletchley Circle couldn't crack this thing" Charlie says. "I've tried every cryptographic algorithm there is. Goose egg."  
"Well, maybe that's not such a bad thing. Those people following you..." Dean starts saying. "Hmm? All kinds of wrong. Talking multi-generational, centuries-old wrong. The Styne family. Men of Letters' files have them dated back to the early 1800s" he explains.  
"They used spells to create disease, to destabilize markets. They even helped the Nazis before they came into power, and they profited from all of it" I tell them.  
"So, they're like the supernatural Du Ponts?" Charlie asks us.  
"Basically. All the spells they used came from a book of "Unspeakable Evil," which they lost nearly 100 years ago."  
"Okay, so they're bad. So what? We faced worse" Sam says.  
"Sam, read the file. The way the book works is when you use it, there is a negative reaction. I'm talking biblical negative" Dean speaks. "Dark magic always comes with a price. We know that. We've been down that road before."  
"Well, let's at least translate it, see what it says" I say.  
"You guys don't understand. The book's been calling out to me ever since I laid eyes on it, okay? Calling out to the Mark. I can hear it like it's alive. It wants me to use it, but not for good.? Look, I wanted it to be the answer, too, okay? I really did. But we have got to get rid of that. Burn it, bury it, I don't give a damn. We'll just have to find another way to fix the Mark."  
"Like what?" Sam asks.  
"I don't know."  
"So, you're giving up?" Charlie asks him.  
"No, I'm not giving up. Charlie, I don't have a death wish. Okay, even if I did, I can't die, not with this thing on my arm. What I can do is I can fight it as long as I can until..."  
"Until what? Tell me. Until what, Dean? Until I watch you become a demon again? Until then? I can't do that. I won't do that" Sam says.  
My eyes widen. "You were a demon?" I ask him. "I had no clue."  
"If you wouldn't have left, you'd know" Dean tells me and he looks back at Sam. "You'll just have to lock me up. Bind me to the bunker like you did last time."  
"That doesn't solve anything. Look, just let us translate the book, okay? If there's a cure, we'll do it and deal with the consequences later. I can't lose you."  
"Really?"  
"Yeah, really" Sam answers.  
"You change your mind on that, 'cause that's not what you said last time."  
"Oh, come on, man. You know I didn't mean that."  
"This is my cross to bear, Sam. Mine. And that book is not the answer. Now, we got to destroy it before it falls into the wrong hands, and that includes me" Dean grabs the car keys. "I'm gonna go for a drive. Uh, Charlie, we forgot to pick up your snacks."  
"Dean, look-" I try to speak.  
"We'll figure out another way" he interrupts. "And, Sam, I'll get my vacation. But not today. Not like this."

Dean walks out the door, leaving us. I'm not giving up. Not like last time. Not anymore.

"Sam" Charlie breaks the silence. "Maybe he's right."  
"No" I say.  
"No, there's a way to fix it" Sam answers hopeful. "There has to be."

We calmed down and kept doing our research. Sam and Dean have gone through a rough path. The things they would do for each other can't be counted with your fingers. 

"What did Dean mean? When he said you changed your mind?" Charlie asks Sam.  
"Oh, I know this story" I say.  
Sam chuckles and closes his laptop. "So, a while back, we had a chance to, um... Close the gates of hell. And in order to do that, I would've had to die, and I was okay with that and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so he, uh..."  
"He saved you" I finish the sentence.  
"Yeah, he saved me."  
"And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn't want and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him?" Charlie says.  
Sam chuckles. "Yeah, that sounds about right."  
"Brothers. You know, I haven't been a hunter for very long, but it feels like this is the life" she walks to the sink. "Mostly ends in Sophie's choices, death, or tears. Usually all of the above, huh?"  
I chuckle. "Yep."  
"How did this become my life? I mean, I was gonna own my own start-up, marry ScarJo, invent something cool. Now I'm just... I'm just happy to be alive."

The fact that Charlie had her whole life planed breaks my heart. She's one of the coolest people I know and she got dragged into all this mess. Charlie and ScarJo would've made a pretty couple.

"You know" Sam starts telling. "When Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself... One last job, you know? One more job. And then when -- when I, um... When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself, one more job. There's always one more job, you know? And one more job and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and -- and to my life."  
"You were the dread pirate Roberts of hunting" Charlie says.  
I laugh to the reference. "Yeah. I guess I really understand now that... This is my life. I love it. But I can't do it without my brother" he explains. "I don't want to do it without my brother. And if he's gone, then I don't..."  
"We get it" Charlie speaks for the both of us. "We do."  
Sam and Charlie are staring at me. "What?"  
"Are you finally gonna tell us why you left?" Sam asks me.  
"It's a long story" I answer.  
"Well, as you can see, we have time" Charlie replies.

They give me puppy eyes look. I sigh and leave the book open on the table, sitting properly. My fingers are fighting with each other, trying to find the right words. They deserve the truth. 

"After you left..." I look at Charlie "...Dean and I got closer. We were all over each other, the make out, the sex, the whole thing. A month after that we were already a couple."  
"Yeah, I remember that" Sam says. "You wouldn't stop touching each other."  
I chuckle. "A while later, I- I realized I was late. It didn't matter for a few days because I'm not the most regular person, but I needed to be sure" I explain. "So I took a test and double bars came up. I was pregnant."  
"Oh my God" Charlie mumbles.  
Charlie came and sat next to me. Sam got up from his seat and sat in front of me. "So you took off because you were pregnant?" Sam asks me.  
"You know Dean would've freaked out if I told him I was expecting" I say. "The family business" Sam lets me continue. "The plan was have the baby and give it up for adoption. Easy as pie, but-"  
"Something happened, of course" Charlie interrupts.  
I sigh. "I was on my second trimester when demons found me" I say. "Next thing I know, the doctor's telling me I lost the baby" a tear streams down my face.  
"Hey, hey" Sam says, coming next to me. "It's okay."

But it wasn't. What happened to me wasn't okay. What's happening to Dean is not okay. This world isn't okay. None of this shit is okay.  
We stopped talking about it and went back to the books, after asking them not to say anything. Dean had to hear it from me. 

After some of the Styne breaking in and trying to murder us for the book, they failed. They ended up dead and the book burned by Dean's orders. We're leaving the cabin, heading to the bunker. Cas called, saying he got his angel mojo back. 

"Well, I think I should hit the road" I say, opening the door to my driver seat.  
"So you're leaving" Dean says. "Again."  
I feel guilty. "C'mon, (Y/N). Go back to the bunker" Sam insists. "You know it's your home."  
"Yay!" Charlie exclaims. "Please!"  
I look at Dean. "Are you okay with this?" 

We wait for him to answer. He's sitting in the hood of the Impala, evaluating me, looking at me from head to toes. The wait for his answer is making my heart jump out if my chest. 

"Well, we do have a lot of catch up to do" he says. "Why not?"  
I sigh in relief. "I guess I'll meet you there then."  
"I hope." 

His green eyes meet mine and I feel myself falling harder in one second. I wonder if he still feels the same. If his heart jumps because of me... or if he hates me, which he probably does.

I was a few hours on the road, but it felt totally worth it. I didn't have much, only a few bags in the back seat of my car and guns in the trunk. I prepared myself to get out of the car and go back to my home. 

It wasn't about the bunker being a place to live, it was about the people in that bunker. They made it feel like home. I get out of the car and Dean is carrying two larges pizzas while Sam has a plastic bag with bebridges. 

"Hey" Charlie comes to me. "Need a hand?"  
"No, I'm good" I answer. "You go ahead. You must be starving."  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yes, ScarJo, I'm sure."  
She chuckles. "Fine. See you inside." 

I take the bags out of my back seat and leave them on the floor. I open the trunk to grab a gun and put it in my back. I grab the bags from the floor and go inside the bunker, closing the door behind me. This place hasn't changed since I was gone. 

I go down the stairs and Cas is talking to Charlie and Dean. I drop the bags on the floor and Cas sees me.

"(Y/N)" he says. "Hello."  
"Cas" I answer hugging him. "So nice to see you" I say. "You know, this is the part you hug me back." 

Castiel hugs me back and I feel his awkwardness mixed up with affection. He's been human, and I'm 100% sure that there's a part of him that still is. 

"I missed you" I admit. "Well, I'll go leave those bags in my old room."  
"Here" Sam goes and grabs three of them. "Let me help you." 

I grab the bag left and we go through the bunker's halls towards my room. It's still the same of how I left it. The bed looks impeccable, the desk is clean and the closet empty. 

"Thank you, Sam" I say leaving the bag on my bed.  
"You're welcome" he answers. "When are you going to tell him?" I sigh, looking down without answering. "Because you are, right?"  
"I don't know, Sam."  
"You don't know?" he asks me. "What do you mean you don't know?"  
"I don't know!" I exclaim. "Sam, this is going to hurt your brother. He'll probably never forgive me."  
"Maybe" he says. "But if the girl I loved have lost my baby, I would like to know." 

Sam walks out the room, leaving me in a struggle within my thoughts. He's right. I know he's right. This would hurt Dean a lot, but it would also hurt looking at his face during the news. I go outside and everyone's eating pizza and chatting. 

I join them and try to keep the dynamic that was there before I showed up. Dean is laughing and eating which makes me happy. The guys catch me up on everything. The Mark, Metatron, Cole, demon Dean and more. 

"Let's just say I'm glad you're alive" I say, chuckling. 

 

I wake up and go to the bunker's kitchen to grab a glass of water after a bad nightmare. Dean, the baby, us, a family... until everything is ripped out away from me. Again. 

Dean's at the library but no book on his lap. He's feet are on the table and he's rubbing his forehead. Our eyes meet and I swallow the lump in my throat, entering the kitchen. 

I grab the glass and fill it with water and by the time I take the first drink, I already hear Dean's footsteps getting close; until they stop and his presence is more clear. He's behind me. 

"Why are you dressed like that?" he asks me. 

I turn around to meet his gaze. I'm only wearing some cotton shorts and a black shirt. No bra. What a great time to wake up in the middle of the night. 

"It was hot" I answer.  
"It's winter."  
"We're underground." 

He gets close to me. Real close. I'm against the counter top. He grabs the glass of water and drinks from it without interrupting visual contact at any moment. Dean leaves the glass back in the counter top. He's so relaxed and intimidating my heavy breathing is noticeable. 

I step aside and try to walk away, but Dean has other plans. "How was Italy?" he asks me. 

My heart wrinkles. I know what he's doing and the fact that he's doing it makes me want to die.

"I know what you're doing" I confront him.  
"Oh, yeah?" he says. "What's that?"  
"I get it" I answer. "You're gonna go and try to find every single way to make me feel guilty about leaving, but I had a pretty damn good reason."  
"Which is?"  
I hesitate on telling him. I won't do it here. "I'm tired" I reply.

I go back to my room, waiting for him to give up and leave it alone, but that's not happening anytime soon. The second I close the door to my room, Dean is knocking like crazy.

"Take a hint, for God's sake!" 

I back off and Dean takes it as an invitation to come inside my room, closing the door behind him. 

"Tell me, huh?" he says. "I am not the one who gave up on us! Not me, you!"  
"I didn't give up! I never gave up!"  
"Then why? The only thing I'm asking is for you to put me down and tell me why!" he exclaims. "If you loved me, like you said you did, why did you leave me?"  
"Dean, you don't-"  
"I do" he mumbles. "I wanna know!"  
"I was pregnant!" I exclaim. "There. Is that what you wanted to hear? I was pregnant! Bun in the oven, all that shit." 

The room drops in a horrible silence. I wish not to have a heart in that moment, because I can closely hear it shattering when I see Dean's expression. 

"You were pregnant" he says. "And you're only instinct was leaving?"  
"I knew you wouldn't have wanted a kid raised in this life" I explain. "I was going to give it up for adoption."  
"You gave up our kid for adoption?!" he exclaims. "Well, where is he? Or she?" 

The first tear of many falls. I lean against the wall to have something to lean on, something to hold on to. I take a deep breath to continue the story. 

"I was in my sixth month, leaving for my appointment when demons found me" I say and a tear streams down my face. "Next thing I know, I'm in the hospital with the doctor saying what a miracle it is that I'm alive."

I lift up my shirt so Dean can see the scars. He gets close and his eyes are watered. His thumb touches a scar and the contact burns my skin. He spotted the scar in my belly and when he touches it, he sends shivers through my spine.  
His touch felt nice and familiar. I have missed him. 

"Wh- Why didn't you come back? After that?" he manages to ask.  
"It was too hard" I reply. "I couldn't look at you and say that you have lost a child" I breathe. "And I know that if I wouldn't have left, she would be alive. You have no idea how many times I thought of coming back and have this baby with you, but I was afraid, afraid of-"  
"Losing the baby" he finishes the sentence for me.  
"It's an unbearable pain, Dean" I admit. "It's not like losing Sam, or Bobby, or Kevin."  
"I know, babe. I know."

I look down, trying to stop the tears. Dean pulls me in his arms and I feel like home. His smell is like a drug, a drug I would do every day for the rest of my life if he'd let me. 

"But I need you to tell me something" Dean says. We pull away from the hug and his hands are still on my waist. "Where are those demons?" he asks me.  
"Dead."

Our foreheads touch. Dean's hands in my back are making me have a hard time resisting him, but the thought of having a family together never leaves my mind. 

"I know I made a mistake" I whisper. "And I wanna fix that. I also know that it's gonna take some time, but if you still wanna be with me-"  
"I do" he interrupts me. "I love you." 

I can sense his warm heavy breathing on my mouth. Oh, I missed that. His breath enters my mouth and I press my hands in his chest. 

"I love you too" I say against his lips before we kiss.


End file.
